January 2012
29 posts
You know what? I’m sick and tired of you blowing me off for things that won’t even MATTER. What about us always going to Harmony? The parking ramp? Our deal to complement as many people on the walk there? Huh? Oh, wait, I forgot. You’re older now and you have to have sex and hang out with the popular kids. Well, let’s see where this gets you. While you’re busy buying...
1 tag
I actually managed to draw something that I like.
Could somebody give me something new to think about? My thoughts aren’t even interesting anymore.
Tonight will be another night spent replaying events in my head that really shouldn’t matter to me anymore. But, instead, you will think deeper and deeper and remember every little, tiny heartbreaking detail that you shouldn’t care about. I’m too tired for this. I’m tired of feeling sick and alone and just hanging my head low.
Today we had to write down something that we wouldn’t tell others usually, and all of the post cards would be displayed in the lunch room. The boy next to me if I had put heart into mine, and I said yes. He then told me that he drew a heart, and asked me if I did, and what color it was. I didn’t draw a heart, but he told me that his heart was blue. I asked why but he wouldn’t...
3 tags
Things I need:
Company.
A friend.
A car.
Gas.
Money.
An iPod would be nice.
A friend.
Youtube to finish this damn song.
A good attitude.
Motivation.
Inspiration.
A haircut.
Guitar lessons.
Sheet music.
A creative thought.
A happy thought.
I don’t know.
You know, I get it. Really, I do. I’m a shit friend, who doesn’t like change, who hides herself, and who never lets anyone close to her. Would you like to know something else dear? I’ve known this for a while. And you’re so fucking convinced that I need you, but would YOU like to know something? I don’t need you.
I love Bright Eyes.
Today sucked. My application is due tomorrow, and I still have no piece of art to submit, not have I done my essay. I’m screwed.
Hi, I’m Maddi. I’ve been single for about two years now and the only person who even comes to close to even having the slightest feelings for me lives 700 miles away, and we never speak. It’s not either of out fault though. Mainly his father is an ass, and i’m still trying to figure out if he’s what I want.
Valentines Day is inching closer. The drug stores and gas...
1 tag
Are you fucking kidding me? You’re going Lesbian because other people like it. If you were truly lesbian and attracted to other girls, you wouldn’t care what people thought of it, you’d think for yourself. I’m perfectly okay with someone being a lesbian, but it’s people like you who flaunt their FAKE sexuality to get attention.
I don’t want another Valentines Day.
Will somebody please just give me something to actually have hope in? I am running around in circles, make one decision after the next. And yet, tomorrow will be the same as it was today.
2 tags
Yesterday at Harmony they were doing this activity where we all had to write down our passion, and they would go on a board and be displayed all week. Everyone else could easily name theirs “piano, singing, acting, cancer awareness,” what did mine say? “I honestly don’t know”.
1 tag
Anonymous asked: I am pan sexual too! - I'm pretty sure. I just fall in love with people's personalities. And I think that's is the best way because that is who people truly are. I understand how you feel. If I liked a girl I would like her for the type of person she is and the same for a boy.
I really don’t know how many times i’ll go over this, but I am pan-sexual. I am not straight, I am not bi-sexual, and i’m not a lesbian. For those of you who don’t know what pan-sexual is, it basically means that you just don’t care who you fall in love with. You like who you find appealing. My affection doesn’t fall under a certain category. And honestly, does...
Can I just say, I had so much fun lastnight. We screwed around in Walmart, and passed out in a car, and drove around in dirt mounds and just AH, this has to be the best week ever. I want to do something today, now.
Hi, tonight was just purely awesome. I’d like to go to bed and dream about it, but, unfortunately, I can’t sleep. So instead I will sit here with my happy feeling and listen to music.
Going to Eddie’s tomorrow after school to watch him and Austin record their new CD. :)
“I like drinking coffee alone and reading alone. I like riding the bus alone and...”
– (via lijdeninstilte)
THANK YOU. No, really. I can’t have one nice fucking day. You had to ruin it.
Hi, i’m Maddi. And I never leave my house, and I surround myself with people who CONSTANTLY make me feel like shit. I don’t like leaving my room because my family members are all hypocrites. So, instead of having fun like everyone else I know, I shall spend another night alone in my room, crying to Bright Eyes, and trying to keep my mind occupied.
I can’t keep up with this much...
Go fuck yourself. I can’t even begin to describe how pissed I am right now. I’m going to go and try to do things, and get this off of my mind.
New Years resolutions.
Try new things. No matter what it is, even the smallest, slightest things.. jump on the chance to do it. No more isolating yourself from other people, and the world.
Eat healthier. Let’s face it, you like pizza and puppychow far more than any teenage girl ever should.
Stop going to Harmony every Friday. As I said, I need to try new things. Not to mention everytime I go to Harmony it...
December 2011
18 posts
Hi, I’m Madison. We’ve met before, but you continue to keep me in the back of your head, with all of the others that you are trying best to forget about. I know who you are. You’re the boy who’s been stuck in my head, and who refuses to get out.
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Everyone else’s family is baking cookies and having a good time. What is mine doing? Yelling at eachother, and sitting infront of the T.V.
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Anonymous asked: Dont ever think that you are worthless. Mothers just loose their temper and don't know how to handle them selves. (trust me my mom is like that too :\ ) Just stay strong and remember that you are capable are going to do great things. Just because of a report card doesn't mean you life is over, or that it should stop. I have to show mine at some point soon too haha, we'll see how...
I think i’m going for a walk now, I feel a...
As bad as I am, i’m proud of the fact that i’m worse than I seem.
Today was the last Open Mic at Harmony of the year. And honestly, this year has brought me so much pain I couldn’t have imagined before. When I heard about the move, I looked at it as a chance to try new things, and make something better of myself. Instead, I have done nothing but see here and wait for it. Maybe it’s the expectations that made me so bitter. I’m tired of...
WatchToday was the last Open Mic at Harmony of the year. And honestly, this year has brought me so much pain I couldn’t have imagined before. When I heard about the move, I looked at it as a chance to try new things, and make something better of myself. Instead, I have done nothing but see here and wait for it. Maybe it’s the expectations that made me so bitter. I’m tired of just...
1 tag
The Grey Flame- Habits.
Today my mother informed me that I should kill myself, because I have nothing to live for. She’s already screaming and i’ve only been home for twenty minutes, and let’s not forget I have to show her my report card tonight. Everything kinda sucks.
Routines.
The same fucking thing every day. I am living in a routine that plays inside of my head. It is a beautiful place with laughter and friends, but then I realize that this world does not exist. I just want some purpose to come into my life. And yet, all I do is sit here and wait for it. I’m too exhausted and shy to go find any.
On a side not, I performed at Harmony Cafe on Friday, and got...
that feeling is coming back again.
remember that lonely feeling all summer? it’s coming back, and it’s coming to destroy you. please don’t let things to the way they did again. you can’t just keep blocking yourself, and blocking others. how are you supposed to try new things? isn’t that what you always say you want to do? to just get out and do something NEW.. here soon the winter will come, and that...
i am shallow.
I am nothing special. I am just like every other human being who pursues that she’s going to do something, make something of herself. Instead she gives up trying, and is burdened by her failure. She is not different, for she is just like everyone else. Her life consists of a roller coaster ride of emotions, and half finished dreams. Where has all the inspiration gone? She was promised help...
November 2011
3 posts
While walking to my favorite park Friday night, a college student tried convincing me to have sex with him, and to date him. I feel disgusting. This always happens.
You call this a family?
This sorrow feeling of loneliness is settling in again.