May 2012
2 posts
April 2012
1 post
I am in the most uplifting mood ever. I’d like to invite all my friends over and go dancing and bowling and just walk around until I die. I am in love. I am happy. And I don’t care if it ends bad because right now, I feel great. Two months, and that’s okay. I can wait two more months.
March 2012
6 posts
Maybe I don’t want to go to school. Maybe I want to just live in a car and explore for myself. Make love to random people, and I won’t even know their names. Wake up in the morning and tell them i’m mental, that it’s all in my head. I love people, I love the world. I want to Explore myself and the country, everywhere. Find out who I am and not let some fucking idiot ruin...
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It’s not fair. It’s not fair that you can still be happy without me there. And here I am, lonely and exhausted, missing you all terribly, without any of you having the slightest clue.
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Day 6: something you would like to change about yourself
Something i’d like to change about myself if my attitude and motivation. Lately I just haven’t cared at all, or i’ve cared way too much. I have a lack of inspiration in every subject you could possibly think of. I need something to keep me going.
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Day 5: something you would change about the world
..Can I bring back originality? None of you could do something interesting or make yourself independent to save your own life.
February 2012
16 posts
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Day 4: how you think your life would change if you achieved your dream
My dream is to travel to Europe and live there for several months. What would change? I think i’d probably see how I do things here a bit differently, and i’d be more educated with different cultures. And, hopefully, i’d have some new friends. But I think i’d also find myself out during this road trip.
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Day 3: what you think your reason for being here is
I’m sorry dearest tumblr challenge, but that question is yet to be answered. I honestly have no clue. In my head, I think we’re all for a reason. Not just one specific reason among ourselves, I think we’re all here as some big “project” to do something, and truly change and or create something. What is that...
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Day 2: something that’s illegal but you think it should be legal
I think Gay Marriage should be legal in all, meaning EVERY state. Do not make me start my sentence in about how strongly I believe in Gay Marriage. I don’t care if you don’t believe in it, then don’t marry the same sex okay? But stop restricting others from their loved ones.
You once told me that I wasn’t good enough. It was then I realized.. who are you? What are you doing? What is your purpose? You’re just as lost as I am.
I am so sorry I cannot help you. I’m sorry I can’t be there to kiss you, and let you know that you are loved. You think that this is just all distance, but it’s more than that. You’re there and i’m here. You’re hurting yourself, and I can’t do anything about it. I have to sit here and watch you do it, and hope to god it doesn’t get too far again. I...
A year ago today Karl told me that I would never to be loved. He also told me that i’m one of the people he calls “The Inspirationals” who try and do their best to make everything beautiful, even when it shouldn’t be. He kissed me the day before that. And he kissed me two months later, in the woods. Last year for Valentines Day he wrote me a card in french. His hair is longer, he has given up...
And she ditches again! Oh, by the way.. didn’t turn in my Renaissance application. And now all my friends are going there, and I get to surround myself, yet again, with shitty people.
I do not belong here. I am surrounded by dressed down princesses, and barbie replicates. I am more like a snow globe.. I just sit there and get all shook up, pointless..
The city lights doesn’t take away the darkness.
I am heartbroken, but i’ve been for a while. I’m sorry I haven’t confessed this before. It has gotten worse. My thoughts are haunting me. I don’t know what to do. Even if I did, i’m too tired and I don’t care enough to fix myself. I’m sitting here rotting with people who don’t care, either.
Last Valentines Day you gave me a card that was written in French. It was just the small ones we got in class, but you wrote something cute and gave it to me. I miss you.
It’s sunny outside, and the weather is nice. So nice, infact, that I can have all my windows open and let the sunshine and cool air come in. I have my tights and a few dresses to pick from, and maybe some cash for coffee. Also, my mom’s going to Missouri again today, so I get another week of doing whatever. Woo. :’)
Let's just clear this up:
What most girls find attractive:
What I find attractive:
I like being alone, but I don’t love being alone. I’d rather have someone be alone with me.
Decided what to do for my birthday. I don’t want to do anything at all.
So, i’m going to find a good book and go to Harmony Cafe.
It’s too much of a hassle to do anything else.
January 2012
30 posts
I want an actual family, I want actual friends..
You know what? I’m sick and tired of you blowing me off for things that won’t even MATTER. What about us always going to Harmony? The parking ramp? Our deal to complement as many people on the walk there? Huh? Oh, wait, I forgot. You’re older now and you have to have sex and hang out with the popular kids. Well, let’s see where this gets you. While you’re busy buying...
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I actually managed to draw something that I like.
Could somebody give me something new to think about? My thoughts aren’t even interesting anymore.
Tonight will be another night spent replaying events in my head that really shouldn’t matter to me anymore. But, instead, you will think deeper and deeper and remember every little, tiny heartbreaking detail that you shouldn’t care about. I’m too tired for this. I’m tired of feeling sick and alone and just hanging my head low.
Today we had to write down something that we wouldn’t tell others usually, and all of the post cards would be displayed in the lunch room. The boy next to me if I had put heart into mine, and I said yes. He then told me that he drew a heart, and asked me if I did, and what color it was. I didn’t draw a heart, but he told me that his heart was blue. I asked why but he wouldn’t...
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Things I need:
Company.
A friend.
A car.
Gas.
Money.
An iPod would be nice.
A friend.
Youtube to finish this damn song.
A good attitude.
Motivation.
Inspiration.
A haircut.
Guitar lessons.
Sheet music.
A creative thought.
A happy thought.
I don’t know.
You know, I get it. Really, I do. I’m a shit friend, who doesn’t like change, who hides herself, and who never lets anyone close to her. Would you like to know something else dear? I’ve known this for a while. And you’re so fucking convinced that I need you, but would YOU like to know something? I don’t need you.
I love Bright Eyes.
Today sucked. My application is due tomorrow, and I still have no piece of art to submit, not have I done my essay. I’m screwed.
Hi, I’m Maddi. I’ve been single for about two years now and the only person who even comes to close to even having the slightest feelings for me lives 700 miles away, and we never speak. It’s not either of out fault though. Mainly his father is an ass, and i’m still trying to figure out if he’s what I want.
Valentines Day is inching closer. The drug stores and gas...
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Are you fucking kidding me? You’re going Lesbian because other people like it. If you were truly lesbian and attracted to other girls, you wouldn’t care what people thought of it, you’d think for yourself. I’m perfectly okay with someone being a lesbian, but it’s people like you who flaunt their FAKE sexuality to get attention.
I don’t want another Valentines Day.
Will somebody please just give me something to actually have hope in? I am running around in circles, make one decision after the next. And yet, tomorrow will be the same as it was today.
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Yesterday at Harmony they were doing this activity where we all had to write down our passion, and they would go on a board and be displayed all week. Everyone else could easily name theirs “piano, singing, acting, cancer awareness,” what did mine say? “I honestly don’t know”.
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Anonymous asked: I am pan sexual too! - I'm pretty sure. I just fall in love with people's personalities. And I think that's is the best way because that is who people truly are. I understand how you feel. If I liked a girl I would like her for the type of person she is and the same for a boy.
I really don’t know how many times i’ll go over this, but I am pan-sexual. I am not straight, I am not bi-sexual, and i’m not a lesbian. For those of you who don’t know what pan-sexual is, it basically means that you just don’t care who you fall in love with. You like who you find appealing. My affection doesn’t fall under a certain category. And honestly, does...
Can I just say, I had so much fun lastnight. We screwed around in Walmart, and passed out in a car, and drove around in dirt mounds and just AH, this has to be the best week ever. I want to do something today, now.
Hi, tonight was just purely awesome. I’d like to go to bed and dream about it, but, unfortunately, I can’t sleep. So instead I will sit here with my happy feeling and listen to music.
Going to Eddie’s tomorrow after school to watch him and Austin record their new CD. :)